I need advice . . .

I’ve been thinking of transferring. To Fairfield University. To live at home. To major in French and learn Italian/Japanese/what-have-you. They have a lot of languages (they have a big business program and languages are good for international business). Not all of the languages are majors, but they have both French and Italian as majors and I think I want to major in French, whether I transfer or not. Plus, Fairfield University has a good pre-med program (because it has a good nursing program). And I’ll most likely get in since my grades are above the average applicant’s.

Pros:

I could help with my sister Danielle. She’ll be fifteen in April and last January she got a concussion and has been dealing with symptoms ever since: headaches, light/sound sensitivity, almost seizure-like states, difficulty concentrating, difficulty doing too much without getting really tired . . . she had to be taken out of school at the beginning of her freshman year, but there’s only so much she can even do just homeschooling. And my parents may or may not be really equipped to homeschool her. She has a math tutor and my grandmother taught her English for a while and I did both while I was home. She hasn’t done any science, though, and my mom only did a bit of history with her. And now my mom has been complaining about her behavior . . . I’m not sure what she’s done, but . . . yeah. I don’t know. When I first started thinking about transferring I thought I could homeschool her all by myself, but . . . college full-time plus full-time homeschooling? That’d be rough, even with a math tutor. But she was doing really well when I was home . . . with her schoolwork and attitude-wise . . . she feels really isolated being home alone all the time. Her friends tend to be too busy to keep in touch with her . . .

And my mother is so overwhelmed with what’s happened to my sister. Plus, with the economy, work for her has been rough. She’s a bookkeeper at a place that hires out electricians and such, and they’re having to lay off electricians and she’s going to be working fewer hours. So everything at home is tense. And maybe I could help. Although by next fall, maybe all that will be fine?

But I actually do have an academic reason to leave. If I want to study modern languages (Italian, Japanese, etc), I can’t do it here. All we have by way of modern languages is French, Spanish, and German. I don’t really want to study Spanish or German. We also have Hebrew (ancient? Is there a difference?), Greek, and Latin, but the reason I want to study languages (well, the practical reason beyond the fact that I just like it) is so that I can be a multilingual doctor. I will not have any patients who only speak Latin or Ancient Greek. If I went to Fairfield U, I’d probably major in French and maybe minor in Italian or Italian studies or Biology or something.

And Fairfield U will probably be easier than Hillsdale. Therefore, higher GPA. Not that my current college GPA is bad. It’s quite respectable. Not what it was in high school, but it’s respectable. But a higher GPA is really really good for getting into medical school (which is pretty difficult; the acceptance rates are atrocious). And Fairfield U has a good pre-med program, like I said. I looked it up. And it has a good study abroad program, which I want to do.

Plus, I’d get to be with my family. I love my family. And I’d get to be around friends. A few of my friends currently live at home (in CT) and go to nearby colleges, so if they didn’t transfer, I’d get to see them. Not that I can’t make my own friends at Fairfield U. I . . . probably can . . .

Also, my eating and sleeping schedule here kind of sucks. I’ve gotten into the habit of eating at night (emotional eating . . .). If I had my way, I would eat dinner later at night, but as it is at this small school, the dining hall is only open for dinner from 5:15 to 7 on weeknights and 5-6 on weekends. It’s really really not good because then I’m up till 2 or 3 and I get really hungry around 11. So I eat. And I end up eating too much. And I’ve gained my freshman 10-15. And, like I said, I go to sleep every night between 2 and 3. And most days I wake up at either 7:30 or 8:30. I’m sleep-deprived. At home, I wouldn’t have a vending machine to binge on junk food from. I’d be more pressured to go to sleep earlier like everyone else in the house. And, yes, it’s arguable that I could fix at least the eating thing here, but I have a huge history of the eating thing it’s not just hey I’m a freshman I’m stressed I’m going to develop a bad eating habit and then be too lazy to fix it. It’s pretty ingrained into me already. And I can only deal with fixing so much right now.

I wouldn’t have to miss so many concerts! I can’t go to concerts out here I have no transportation! I’ve missed Hellogoodbye and Flogging Molly and Backseat Goodbye argh . . .

It is not as cold at home. I’m in Michigan right now and the temperatures were subzero for a while. And I had to walk in it. I mean, it’s cold back in CT and I would still have to walk around campus in the cold, but it simply does not get quite as cold in CT.

Cons:

            I’m kind of comfy here. There’s no yelling (well, actually some of my friends are pretty loud and sometimes they get drama-y and yell, but it’s really fine compared to home). I like my little space in my dorm and being able to be alone for prolonged periods of time if I want to, but I have lots of friends, so I don’t have to be alone if I don’t want to.

I have friends here, and I’d miss them. I’m not that close to any of them, though, so it’s not a really big loss.

I’m doing well here academically. I’m not sure that I’ll be good at learning more languages.  

I might not get the scholarship I have here. Fairfield U costs more.

I wouldn’t get to fly all the time (I love flying).

My credits might not all transfer – what if I have to take another year?

I might not make friends. And if Bekah and Eric (friends at home and currently living at home) both go to faraway colleges?

I won’t be able to take piano lessons from Mr. Spangler. I just started this semester, and I like him better so far than any other piano teacher I’ve had. What if I can’t find another teacher I really like?

What if I’m only doing this because Danielle needs help being homeschooled? What if she ends up going back to school regularly next fall?

What if it looks like I made a mistake in choosing Hillsdale (my current college)? I’m not sorry I’ve been here this past year. It might look like I’m wimping out, like I’m too afraid to live this far away from home.

My grandma (I love her!) didn’t want me to go far away in the first place. She was actually pretty upset. Everyone misses me. I miss them.

Advice please? And courage to go talk to my academic mentor or RAs about it? (I’m uber-shy and I feel bad, like I’m saying I don’t like Hillsdale. I do! I really do, but I can’t study the languages I want, and I think I can help my family . . . it’s rough for them right now and my sister needs help . . . and if my parents can’t give her that help, maybe I can).

Advice advice advice!

please . . .