decisions, decisions

ACK! Again with the indecisiveness.
Earlier this semester, I was leaning towards transferring. Then, I submitted my housing form (just in case) and signed up for classes (ditto) and visited the college I'd be transferring to and realized just how crazy it is at home and the weather here stopped being super crappy and I remembered why I wanted to be an English major.
So now, what with having next semester all lined up, being in a pretty comfortable place, I didn't really want to go through the trouble of transferring. But now . . . now again I don't know. My sister, if she knew I was considering transferring, would beg me to do it. She begs me to come home even though she doesn't know I'm thinking about it! My Mom wants me to transfer; she loves my current college, but she misses me and everything's such a mess at home . . . My Dad kinda doesn't want me to transfer. He doesn't want me to have to deal with the mess at home. Not that anyone else seems to be able to deal with it very well.
And would I be able to do all my college work in that atmosphere? I'm thinking that I'd get my license and a car over the summer, so I'd be able to remove myself to the college library and work there if I needed quiet. Or I could go to Grandma's. And I could transport myself back and forth to classes and wherever else I need or want to go. I think it'd give me a good level of autonomy and separation, as long as I can get over how anxious driving makes me . . .
But, honestly, what would I lose if I left Hillsdale?
1. serious alone time (I'm a little anti-social; I have friends and people to talk to and occasionally hang out with and always eat meals with, but most of my time - and everyone else's! - is taken up by classes and homework)
2. the nice, friendly, conservative atmosphere
3. the awesome classical academics; I wouldn't get to take my US Constitution class :(
4. my freaking awesome piano teacher
5. the quality of the English department (though I might switch to major in French at Fairfield U)
What would be gained by going to Fairfield U?
1. the possiblity of helping with the situation at home (helping to homeschool Danielle, easing relations between her and our mom)
2. possibly a better pre-med program?
3. broader languages program

But, honestly, I've known all this all semester. The stakes haven't changed. Although it seems like Danielle's situation is getting worse and worse . . . at least as far as how my mom's handling it. So maybe it's my mom who needs me more, haha?
Oh, God, I don't know.
If I go to Fairfield U, I can definitely still become a doctor. That's my main goal. I don't have to major in English. I'd still like to improve my paper-writing skills (they apparently need a lot of work according to Hillsdale honors standards) and I doubt I could accomplish that really well at Fairfield U. But my main thing with English is I want to maybe be a writer. Not really a writer of papers . . . just an author . i don't need to major in English and master textual analysis to do that. Plus I could learn more languages . . .
But I'm afraid of this decision! Especially since I was just leaning towards staying here and now all of a sudden in English class (we were talking about existentialism and responsibility haha) I started feeling intensely drawn towards transferring.
WHAT IS THIS LIFE I LIVE? I'm analyzing everything to the point of where nothing makes sense and nothing seems to matter. God, this is such a big decision. But does it really matter? What's the best choice? What should I do? I feel like there must be some key piece that I'm missing that would tell me exactly what I should do. I feel like one of the choicesmust be the better choice.
Why am I so afraid of this choice?
I'm afraid of being wrong. I'm afraid of going home and hating Fairfield U (I doubt that would actually happen) or . . . hate being home. Honestly, I don't know if I'd be happier there than here. I don't know if my happiness level would change at all. But my family might be happier.
Again, I don't know what to do. But now transferring seems like a viable option. Now I feel like the chances are 50/50. Earlier this semseter, they were about 60/40 in favor of transferring. Then they were 25/75 not in favor of transfering. Average? 45/55. That's pretty darn close. Pretty. Darn. Close.
I guess I'll just have to finish out the Fairfield U application process and keep thinking about it. And pray. Pray lots.